Now I'm not sure about you other graduates out there, but the life after uni appears to be one of freedom, excitement, new experiences and great things to come your way, because after all, you now have a DEGREE. Its no secret that once you graduate, it seems every one on the face of the planet seems to ask the mundane question of, 'So what are your plans now?'
SIGHHH... I DONT KNOW, okay? I honestly don't. I mean, I've always planned to take internships, junior or assistant positions in art directing, styling, cosmetics, branding, social media - all the things I love. However, theres always two massive barrier that gets in my way - my bank balance, and my self esteem. I never have and never will be one of those university students who has a mummy and daddy to pay for their round the world travelling trip, including every type of excursion programme available for a year after graduating, neither will I ever be the type of person who fights and fights through all the bitchy competition at a company with shit pay, shit rules and that you have little to no chance at working for anyway - its just not me (lol, some Fashion student I am ay).
Reverting back to my bank balance, I always feel like even if I have a substantial amount, it will never be enough to back me up if something goes wrong. I've been brought up in such a way that if something goes financially wrong in life, I have to sort it out myself. This has its peaks and troughs - Independent money making women - yay! Scared to do anything incase I'm left with no money - booo. I sometimes have these images of myself in a 1* hostel in Mexico somewhere with no money, no shower and a creepy man that sleeps in the corner - I'm pretty sure I'd have a melt down.
Anyway, I'm just so fed up of the grand expectations that are expected from us graduates, not to mention the phrase 'welcome to real life'. UMM.. hi, I haven't been living under a fucking rock for the past 3 years. If anything from what I've experienced so far, my university life, balanced along side part time work, was way more stressful, way more energy and time consuming, not to mention it hurting my brain a lot from all the work. Now university is over, I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one left wondering what the fuck I do now. Get the experience with little to no pay? work a mind numbing job to make yourself super focused on what you actually want to do (aka, get the fuck out ASAP), be a travelling wanker? Maaaan, its all so difficult.
After being ill for so long all I want to do now is be liberated and enhanced by some cool experience or meeting new people, but instead I just feel stuck, and bombarded - a bloody stupid feeling if you ask me. If I could give anyone a message from this rant (soz) it would be, to just stop this expectation that surrounds recent graduates, I'm guilty of doing it myself last year - 'I wonder what blabla's doing now, still working at Accessorize? awkward.' I regret that so much now, if you're having fun, earning a bit of money, whats the harm? I can't shake this feeling of people judging me constantly - 'A whole degree and she works THERE?' Maybe its just me, but we will get there I'm sure. Weird rant over ha!
Sunday, 9 August 2015
Saturday, 4 July 2015
Seeing as I've had quite a lot of time on my hands the past few months, but not the physical capability of actually being productive, I thought now I'm better I can make the most of getting all my ideas out that I've had in my brain for so long! I'm not going to lie, I've been shopping SO MUCH lately, because I haven't been shopping in weeks and weeks, and barely touched my student loan all the way from APRIL (wtf), I've just justified every shopping trip with those exact excuses. I've been shopping and shopping but not necessarily WEARING the clothes I've bought - until now! I find since not being able to wear the clothes I wanted for so long (reasons stated on my other blog!), I'm really into putting a new little wardrobe together with a fresh mind. Anyway, despite having already bought more than I can afford, and definitely more than I need, I thought 'hey, lets put together some MORE things I want'.... :D
From left to right
Laura Mercier Creme Smooth Foundation (Warm Ivory) & Laura Mercier Primer Protect - I haven't worn any foundation, conceler, or any form of beauty product for that matter (crrrrryyy so hard), in about 12-13 weeks. So, I decided while waiting for a friend to finish work at the mall to pop into John Lewis, you know, just to have a look... Obviously 10 minutes later I find myself, eyes closed, sat on the elevated seat on the Laura Mercier counter, not caring who was watching me enjoying the makeup artist, smooth my face with these beauuutiful products. I was actually worried about this, (!!WILL I GET AN ALLERGIC REACTION!!) said my brain, but I thought - well, theres only one way to find out. Both products felt so weightless and satin smooth on my face, 'Kirtsy' applied the primer with her finger tips, and the foundation with a makeup sponge. Its no exaggeration when I say she used just a blob from a cotton bud to cover my entire face. The Primer (£29), has an SPF of 30, which made me happy as I'm always on the hunt for makeup bases with SPF in (don't want them wrinkles yano). The Foundation (£41.50), was moisturising and very sheer at first, but I was assured it was build-able if I wanted it with more coverage for a night out etc. My grandad gave me £20 this afternoon... thats BASICALLY the Primer, and after all I do NEED a new foundation...
MAC Lipstick in Film Noir - I don't know why but I feel like I would be really into brown lipstick right now if I was still wearing it religiously every day, I have 6 empties from my eyebrow pencil at the moment that are ready to be traded in to MAC for a free lipstick (yep. they do that!). Not your typical Summer colour, but I always find I tend to suit a darker lip as apposed to a pinky/girly shades. Its either this or Velvet Teddy I will be adding to my collection next!
Black Cross Strap Sling Back Jelly Shoes (New Look, £12.99) - I NEVER BUY SHOES, OKAY? So lately I've found gaps in my existing collection. I have no black sandals, who doesn't have black sandals? I've been having a gander round the shops and noticed that a chunky/masculine shape is really in when it comes to this S/S sandal style. Due to the fact I have small feet along with small legs, I find chunky shoes can sometimes make me look like my feet are MASSIVE (in proportion with the rest of my body). I thought these ones from New Look looked like the perfect shape for me, and at £12.99? What a steal!
MOTO Mom Jeans in White (Topshop, £42) - I've never owned a pair of white jeans in my life, however after seeing a girl working in H&M looking really nice in them, I grabbed a pair on a whim. However after trying them on at home they were way too big around the waist, and for some reason it appeared that waist 26 was the smallest size they stocked in that style? ANNOYING, I do want another pair though! I think white jeans can look really stylish with the right outfit, and of course perfect for Summer!
Pineapple Print Tee (Topshop, £14) - This is just not even needed, a 'just because' purchase. I'm actually looking for the perfect striped short sleeved tshirt to go with my new black dungerees, but this is just cute.
PS I really don't want to have to spend £42 on the boyfriend fit jeans from Topshop, If anyone has any suggestions of a cheaper version, let me know!
Monday, 26 January 2015
Long time no blog - as per usual. *guilty*
I just felt like writing a post this evening. After doing uni work all day, I thought I'd have a little break to blog. I've been thinking about writing this kind of post for a while now but a lot of blogs out there say the same thing - advice you could say, over and over again, but ah well!
The start of this year has been such a whirlwind for me, and instead of feeling my usual revitalised self come new year, (I am a keen New Year, New Me fan) I just felt a little deflated and quite frankly exhausted with the whole commotion of Christmas and New Year. For most "normal" families, Christmas and New Year is a time for family games round the fire, loud music and getting drunk with close relatives. Without sounding all *get the violin out*, my Christmas and New Year never really pans out this way. I usually spend my Christmas' latching on to friends or boyfriends due to my own family being so spread out. This year, my mum had a break up around Christmas time that effected her badly. Managing with this has had a massive effect on my personal energy levels, as well as causing masses of stress to my everyday life. Dealing with a manic depressive family member, can prove very difficult - especially while living in the same space. I find blogs tend to shy away from the subject of mental illness because it can make their posts sound depressing or needy, however I feel like its something that needs to be addressed, especially when you're not actually the one with depression! I thought I'd do a little write up of things I currently do, or aim to do in the new year to help with my own happiness and well being - in the hope they help you too :-)
1. Be Yourself
As cliche as that might sound, there is always enough time in the world to be yourself - Generally I am quite a happy, upbeat and fairly confident girl, I get passionate about living life to the full and keeping busy. Sometimes it can be hard to express yourself when you live with someone that is constantly bringing you down with negative energy, thoughts, and conversations. Its almost as though because they are angry or sad, you should be too. My advice is to listen to what they have to say and help in a way you see fit, but to prevent arguments or upset for both parties, constantly have things to do or places to be to - this is YOUR life, so don't feel guilty about living it - even if that means cutting a conversation short that you've heard and tried to help with, 4 times already this week. Plus, if that person can see that you are motivated and battling through life's ups and downs, it may encourage them to, too.
Cry in bed, cry in the shower, cry slumped in your dressing gown at 2pm in the afternoon - Crying can be a great relief of stress and lets admit, we all feel better after a good cry. Sometimes after just a simple conversation - or one way shouting match - I find myself coming to cry in my bedroom, not because I am sad or upset by the conversation, but because listening alone has purely drained me. I find having a good cry followed by listening to some good music can be a great cure.
3. Do something creative
For me at the moment, being creative completely revolves around my uni work, but I'm trying to change this - Seeing as I suffer from eczema and a wheat/dairy intolerance, I am trying out new recipes that can help aid the detoxing of my body, that in turn will hopefully calm my eczema down, and therefore relieve stress - phew! Sometimes I find getting out my nail varnishes and trying an especially challenging design, or doing some drawing/painting really helps me focus on one thing and forget whats going on around me. Some people may find this sense of calm in exercise or cooking for example, find what works for you and use it as a form of escapism.
4. Read more
This is almost a personal goal for me, once I get into a good book - I love reading. I love getting immersed in the stories and relating to the characters. Sounds super strange, but I've always found whenever I've been through relationship break ups, or a hard time with a partner - reading helps me the most when it comes to taking your mind away from negative thoughts.
5. Create a space for YOU
All that know me, lets be honest, my room can be an absolute shit tip (clothes spill out of my wardrobe, paperwork consumes my entire desk, and shoes and necklaces appear anywhere and everywhere.) I am a messy person by nature, but also a clean one. Messy but clean... yeah. I like to dust and wipe down my bedroom once a week as well as vacuum, cleaning can make you feel happy and accomplished (I find), so doing it often in a place you spend most of your time in, is always a good idea. My bedroom is my sanctuary. A lot of people like to sit in their lounge or communal areas of the house - but as lonerish as it sounds, I love being alone or with my boyfriend/friend in my bedroom. Fairy lights on, fresh sheets on my bed, candle lit, fresh flowers on my desk, and a good film - I. am. sold. Creating somewhere you feel you can escape *life* - if you like, is always worth the time and effort.
6. Tit for Tat
I sometimes feel that arguing is a main contribution to my general household, shouting happens on a daily basis, and stress makes its way around the house from the hours of approximately 7am-5pm, (5pm - my mum lights the fire, curls up with the cat and my brother plays his Xbox, its all very calm from 5pm onwards, I must say). I live with two very argumentative people, and whatever the logic, situation or cause - you are ALWAYS wrong. (haha) By nature I am a very all or nothing person when it comes to disagreements, I either let it go completely - nod, agree and 'mhmm' a lot, or I just explode (usually with frustration) - feeding the stress levels of the house hold even more. My advice to reasoning with an unreasonable person, is the classic - *count to 10* method. Arguing shouldn't be about tit for tat, and neither should favours - the past year I have learnt a lot about favours, helping people out and being selfless when it comes to doing a good deed. Doing good brings good, and thats all I have to say on that matter!
7. Walk outdoors
Walking and experiencing the outdoors is my favourite pass time, take me to a woodland walk any day and I'm happy. Feeling the fresh air in your lungs and the sun on your face is a feeling of freedom you can't beat.
anywho, thanks for taking the time to read - well done if you made it this far! haha. I just felt like I had to release some thoughts you know! Hopefully my next post will be something a little more creative and exciting!